How to Stay Calm and Connected Through The Chaos of Parenting Tweens

Bridget K. Morris, guest of the Minute Mastery Episode 040

Parenting a tween is no joke. No handbook can prepare you for the chaos of parenting tweens! One minute they need a hug, the next they are slamming the door. The emotional rollercoaster of the middle school years leaves many parents wondering: “Am I doing this right?”

On a recent episode of the Minute Mastery Podcast, I sat down with Bridget K. Morris, a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified parent coach, author of Self-Regulation 101 for Teens, and mother of seven. Bridget’s unique perspective blends clinical expertise with lived experience, making her advice relatable, realistic, and deeply impactful.

In this post, we explore her Steady & Connected Parenting framework and share tools you can use right now to reconnect with your tween without losing yourself along the way.

The Chaos of Parenting Tweens: Why It Feels So Hard

Nothing can prepare you for the chaos of parenting tweens. The middle school years often bring identity shifts, emotional highs and lows, and boundary-pushing behaviors. As Bridget explained, many parents begin to feel like they are losing their child, and themselves, in the chaos.

One key reason this happens? We tend to parent from our own childhood experiences.

“We are always a product of how we were brought up,” I shared during our conversation. “Unless we pause and choose differently, we end up parenting on autopilot.”

Bridget agrees! And that is where her UPDATE Method comes in.

The UPDATE Method: Inner Work That Transforms Parenting.

Bridget created the UPDATE Method to help parents regulate their emotions and rewrite outdated narratives. It is an acronym that helps you remember six steps to becoming a calmer, more present parent:

U – Understand Your System: Notice what triggers you in interactions with your child.
P – Pause and Interrupt the Pattern: Before reacting, take a breath or a moment of stillness.
D – Drop the Old Code: Let go of outdated beliefs like “kids should never talk back” or “I have to be the perfect parent.”
A – Anchor in Your Values: Ask yourself what truly matters: Control, or connection? Achievement, or self-worth?
T – Tend to Your Parts: Acknowledge your inner struggles with compassion, not shame.
E – Embrace the Present: Mindfulness helps you respond, not react, to what is happening right now.

The UPDATE Method is more than just a coping strategy, it is a healing process. It invites us to break cycles and show up with intention.The ARE Parent Model: Small Moments, Big Connection

Being a present parent doesn’t mean spending hours crafting Pinterest-worthy memories. According to Bridget, emotional connection is built in everyday moments.

She recommends the ARE Parent approach, which stands for:

A – Accessible: Be emotionally available even for a few minutes.
R – Responsive: Acknowledge your child’s feelings and signals.
E – Engaged: Show interest in what they care about (even if it is Minecraft or Jellycats!).

Bridget reminds us that you don’t have to get it right 100% of the time. In fact, research shows that attunement happens about 30% of the time in healthy parent-child relationships.

The key? Repair.The REPAIR Process: What to Do When Things Go Sideways

Conflict is normal in any relationship, especially with tweens who are learning independence. Bridget’s REPAIR model teaches parents how to reconnect after moments of rupture, whether it is yelling, shutting down, or saying something we regret.

A quick overview of the process:

Regulate your emotions first.
Extend Compassion to yourself no shame spiral required.
Position the Anchor by returning to your values.
Ask About Their Experience (e.g., “How did it feel when I said that?”)
Identify What You will Do Differently Next Time
Reaffirm the Relationship – Remind your child they matter to you.

One of the most powerful takeaways? You can’t tell your child too many times that they are important. “I delight in you” goes deeper than “I love you,” especially during the turbulent tween years.

What If Your Child Breaks The Rules?

What if you have done everything to build a relationship with your child and they break rules?

Many parents worry about being too lenient or too harsh. Bridget offers a version of the repair process that helps you respond with firmness and connection when your child crosses a boundary (like downloading a banned app or lying about homework).

The goal is not perfection or permissiveness. It is to help your child learn accountability while preserving your relationship.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone

Bridget’s final message is one all parents need to hear:

“You matter, too. Your joy matters. And when you are present and regulated, it opens the door for deeper connection with your child.”

Whether you are raising your first tween or your fourth, remember: You do not have to do this perfectly you just have to show up consistently.

Links Mentioned On This Episode

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